MacJams.com - Song: In My Room (w.i.p.) by 12parsecs

In My Room (w.i.p.)
by 12parsecs

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Guest views: 827
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Song comments: 41
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Plays: 138
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Submitted on: Jul 25, 2008 - 06:55:28 PM
Last Updated: Jul 25 2008 - 07:03:36 PM

Keywords punk (109), wrong genre? (2), fun (164), bad dates (1), ungrateful friends who complain when i buy the wrong beer (1)

Description as with all my tunes, there's no loops... just lonely old me plucking stings, banging drums and wailing away.

this is a work in progress. i need to redo the vocals with a condenser mic (i'm going thru a 57 right now). the lyrics are a mouthful, so i am still working on the timing. the music for this, on the other hand, came together super-easy! mostly a combination of power chords and fun.

if you can help me out with comments, i would like to know:

a) if the lyrics are too jokey?
b) should i lose the bg talking and 'booyah's?
c) any other constructive criticism you feel like sharing.

Cheers all!

Lyrics This sort of happens all the time,
My friends begin to cross the line,
It's going way beyond just being unkind.

They're all looking for a fight,
They should be happy with Bud Light,
If they don't like it, let THEM buy BEvERages next time!

That's when she walked into the room,
How did she get here and with whom?
Her demeanor hit me like a sonic boom.

Will she think that I'm a square?
I think I need time to prepare,
If anyone needs me, I'll be faux-hawking my hair,
In My Room!

It seems I've been up here for hours,
I even made her paper flowers,
Out of the pages of my life.
In my eidetic microcosm she could be my wife,
All her life,
And play the fife,
In My Room,
In My Room!

And so we went on our first date,
Everything seemed to go ok,
She touched my hand, this must be fate!

I said “let's talk until first light”
She says “Goodbye” and calls it a night,
I guess I'll just have continue this on my own,
By myself,
In My Room!

Hardware fender strat and bass, marshall jcm900, roland v-drums

Software: cubase 4

Fan List

Pie

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	SatelliteTragedy said 166 days ago
	wow dude this has really come a long way. but i gotta tell you it sounds EXACTLY like... haha just kidding. Man that solo is amazing. I'll come back later and offer some constructive crits. Sounding good so far.

	12parsecs said 166 days ago
	hehe, thanks! cheers for the props on the solo. yeah, by all means, pop by again if you can offer some more critiques.

	Feter said 166 days ago
	In My Room You Rock dude ...I only things its too loud ..even for such style ..need to adjust the ending ..else I feel its great rockin !!!

Lennon714 said 166 days ago

Good lord
Great pop-punk tune you have hear. It's amazing that you aren't just passable at each instrument you play, you're right on top of it. Great to listen to. Here's my take on your questions;
a) The lyrics are perfectly fine. They move the story along well. They're fun, but not annoying like Blink 182.
b) I think the talking is great. I could, however, do without the booyah's.
c) One thing I don't like about this genre is it's tendency to not have instrument separation. This track has a GREAT bass sound that I couldn't get enough of. It really pushed this track over the top for me. Great job on a good rocking track from a genre that has a tendency to be plain.

Don't tell me you're still unsure of your voice.

12parsecs said 166 days ago

excellent!
thank you so much for addressing all my questions! v much appreciated! i was unsure of the talking part and, especially, the booyahs. (i had just one on the left, then doubled it up. could turn off the 'suck' knob on either of them. :)

and, yes, i'm still unsure of my voice. it sounds alright in the choruses, but i find it very nasally in the verses. mabye that will improve when i record this with a condenser (and more confidence in my delivery).

any, thanks again for the detailed comment.

	12parsecs said 165 days ago
	typo... oops, sorry. that (above) should read 'couldn't turn off the suck knob'. (wouldn't it be nice to be able to go back and edit your own comments? 2.0? :)

	kingbee said 166 days ago
	great ending cool riff. Liked the energy of it. Sort of Green Day-ish but that's not a bad thing.

	Karmatoburn said 166 days ago
	wip? sounds polished to me. nice hooks and your voice sounds fabulous. Had me playin air guitar. Unbelievable talent you've got. There's no weak link in your instrument arsenal

12parsecs said 165 days ago

thanks!
thank you for your kind words. the instrument bed is done, as far as i'm concerned, it's just the lyrics and the vocals that i'm working on.

it took me a long time to write these lyrics. not that i agonized over them - i just kept procrastinating. so when i finally finished the whole song, i didn't go back and rewrite anything, i just tried it out as is.

i'm unsure about the lyrics, but the more i listen, the more i think they will work. but i do need to re-sing the vocals with a) a better mic and b) better timing and confidence. i've only just started singing and am not used to spitting out so many words so quickly. :) plus i want to get the vocals up to par with the rest of the music, at least.

thanks for listening and commenting!

	VicDiesel said 165 days ago
	Energy to spare Great tune. I'm enjoying your arranging craft. You know how to alternate intense and laidback passages, ok, moments :-) And you keep everything compact. The guitar solo says everything it needs to say, and not a note more. (Around 1:22 it feels like it's hanging dangerously in front of the beat.)

	peacepiano said 165 days ago
	Genre Sounds like a cool song. I am not an expert in this genre so I don't know how to help with the details, but one thing you don't want to do is lose the energy. This is a very high energy performance right now! Thanks Bill

	michael2 said 165 days ago
	cool i like this, kind of so cal sounding. i would lose the talking and the booyah. it makes it more jokey than i would personally want. great guitar sound, the real amp shows.

said 165 days ago

breaks w talk
work fine, use them sparingly. Bu-yaa's well... hmm

Those spoken breaks separate it from just 'any' punk song, so don't lose all of them, in my book.

Reminds me when my son at ~14 yrs old played drums and jammed in our garage w his two Jr High buddies and did some teen gigs around town and let me play roadie for them - really fun times! Can't say they were this refined, but they had this same high level of energy that outdid older bands they played backup for and drew bigger crowds from the school.

Thanks for the memory potion shot in the arm.

. - Harold

	said 165 days ago
	woops I was going to add that the 'Bright' aspect on the EQ overall is too high for me, gives a lot of 'tinny' sound to the mix that has little contrast to the cymbals on the excellent drumming and kind of hides the fine guitar and vox in the blend. Back to listen #6 time. Enjoyable.

12parsecs said 165 days ago

listen #6.
hehe, yeah this tune is short enough, at least, to allow for multiple listens. :) the highs, yes, might be a little over emphasised... my fault on the eq during some hasty mastering. and i did turn up the overheads on the drums this time around. is it during the choruses mostly you notice this phenomenon? or is, perhaps, the hihat?

another vote agianst the booyahs. cool, thanks! glad you felt the energy. i felt young again playing it. this is definitely something i would have written in high school. thanks for the comment(s)!

	said 165 days ago
	highs Maybe just in the vox and guitar combination, yes especially in the chorus, But as those alone sound good too, You might try to use some automation on the EQ to change a couple of levels a tiny bit just in spots where they all come together more intensively. What do you think? I'd leave the drums alone! those cymbals rock the whole piece. (bonus 2 more listens:)

12parsecs said 165 days ago

automated eq
i hear what you are saying about the choruses and the competing gtr and vox frequencies. but before i automate the eqs, i'm going to retrack the vocals with a condenser mic (once i learn the words better). i think the articulated high end of a condenser will help the vocal cut through the mix better. if i still have the issues then, i'll definitely try automating some eq. (i've done it before, i'll do it again. :) thanks for the comments!

	TEXASFEEL said 165 days ago
	Fantastic! Very professional. Very impressive and radio ready.

	Soundhound said 165 days ago
	If thats your room.... It's a very good sounding one..... And this does not sound like Grunge to me.... The dynamics and harmonics are to well organized... This is more like..... Strait up hard core rock.... with flavour... And If you've played all the parts I'm impressed, you truly can consider your self as a player my Friend...... I......... Like it.........

12parsecs said 163 days ago

thanks!
thank you. i see that you play all your own stuff too. yes, this was all me. the only thing i had to 'cheat' on was the kick drum. i only started playing drums in the last year or so, and i can't get my foot to move that fast (hopefully it will get better/faster) so i used a midi finger trigger pad to play the kick in this case. (you can tell by the rushed groove, though, that i didn't quantize. i did, however, copy and paste some of those kick patterns around.) and, of course, i only started singing this year. sure, i've done sporadic backups in bands, but this is the first time for me taking it seriously and recording it. so i'm a big time rookie and don't have a defined style and it takes time for me to perfect a song's delivery.

i agree, also, that this is not the right genre, but i didn't see pop punk in the drop down list. thanks for the listen and comment!

TobinMueller said 164 days ago

Play the fife
Solid writing, recording. Love the little touches, like the end. For the genre, kind of pop punk, I think you are using too much reverb on the vocals, altho it works with the concept of being lost in your room; but maybe up the reverb with echo for a line or two of the chorus "in my room" is that is your intent, and not for the verses, or something? Really nice track. But I really wanted to hear you play the fife! I like the light lyrics, fun is something rock needs more of. And the booya works, especially just before the "square" line.

	mr.turtle said 163 days ago
	I'll be faux hawking my hair......You guys from Canada are really raising the overall music quality on this site. Totally tight and blazing guitar solo....Dynamite tune.

	Skean said 163 days ago
	Good Rock noise Love this have no criticism sound good to my ears I love noise Rock tunes and you done good in this one... It's sounds live kinda Dig it.. Hm maybe some more punch in the bass? or maybe not... Cool ending as well...Cheers

five_extra_arms said 163 days ago

Booohhhyahhhh!
A breath taking blast of energy. Whew! I love this.

a) I grew up on the Dead Milkmen, so the lyrics are NOT too jokey for me. Bud Light was my least favorite lyric. I can think of 4 other words that rhyme with "light" if you decide to change it and need some help :)
b) Boohyah was timed right for me, the broken string at the end is perfect for the live shows, but you might consider leaving it off the radio version of this killer track. The rest of the bg vox worked great for me.
c) can you play it a little faster and a little louder? Please? Seriously, about 40 bpm minute would make this song perfect. Just kidding. The drums were better than good, the lead was awesome. You're hired.

I'll be saying Boohyah for the next week or so.

I'd like it better if I could download it.

Thanks,

Bob

12parsecs said 163 days ago

i'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous!
thanks for the comment, 5-xtra!

a) bitchin camaro, bitchin camaro, i ran over my neighbour.
b) thanks. agreed, the timing works, but i think consensus leaned toward losing the booyahs.
c) i think this one is only about 80 bpm (or something like that). kinda half time. but, you see, this is such a rushed groove, having too many clicks was harshing my vibe. (did i just say 'harshing my vibe'??)

anyway, thanks for listening. once i re-sing the vocals i'll post again w/download. it's not quite there yet. cheers!

	Remark80 said 159 days ago
	You Got IT You really have your shit together. Everything that I have heard on your site has been amazing. Very contemporary and original. Nice playing and vox. I would say radio friendly but who needs radiot when you have MJ and other sites to post your tunes and get heard. Really great stuff, man. Look forward to hearing more.

	Mckenzie said 143 days ago
	friggin.. amazing oh and i heard that Bono records alot of his vocals with a sm-57. This has got such a feel good factor to it once again you've done it cheers

	Pie said 140 days ago
	Don't change a thing! Don't change a thing! Peace.

	Einarus said 132 days ago
	Very pro! Full, powerful recording, good performances, fun lyrics and an all around kickin' song! No suggestions from me! -Einar S.

	fishstick said 89 days ago
	I agree with pie Don't touch it. Don't use a better mic.. You're going to sound to clean. There's a reason the 57 is used for vocals by a lot of bands..I think it's a great sound..puts you in the music. Great little toon..I like the booya's ..it's silly and fits in. I like the mess at the end...just fits. Seriously , do not touch...

	lavalamp said 88 days ago
	Spirit How on Earth did I miss this one? No reason this shouldn't be a hit. A tremendous job. Well done. Dave

	lavalamp said 88 days ago
	P.S. LOVED the ending. Appropriate. LL

	12parsecs said 166 days ago
	loudness. too loud? i never get that comment. (j/k :) thanks for checking it out and for the kind words. curious, though. you mention adjusting the ending... how so? (maybe you mean ditching the 'i just broke a sting' and the accompanying broken string noise. it's funny because i did actually break that string right at the end of the take. good timing!)

	12parsecs said 165 days ago
	green dayish cheers! a comparison to green day is definitely a compliment in my books. in fact, this song came together so easy (and green day has such an extensive repertoire) that i though i might be stealing a progression. so i sent a sample early on to ridd (fellow gd fan) to see if he recognized any plagiarism. guess i'm in the clear for now. thanks for listening!

	12parsecs said 165 days ago
	energy! agreed, bill. in fact, i think the vocal could have more energy... i should be able to deliver more once i memorize the words and the timing. thanks for the comment!

	12parsecs said 165 days ago
	thanks! thanks for the kind words! let me tweak the vocals and i'll start shipping the single to my local radio stations. :)

	12parsecs said 163 days ago
	two things... two things us canadians like... our music and our faux-hawks. thanks for stopping by, mr.turtle!

	12parsecs said 158 days ago
	cheers! thanks for the compliment, remark! i hope to get enough tunes together, tweak 'em as i get feedback, and put an album out there. one day. i see a couple of 1176's in your profile picture. jealus!!! is this your home studio?

	12parsecs said 142 days ago
	57 hey, if it's good enough for bono, it's good enough for me. actually, i tried these vocals again with a condenser mic and just couldn't hit the notes. guess i need to have my bad posture and a hand held mic to get this one properly. i should still redo the vox, though, condenser or not. thanks for the kind words!

	12parsecs said 140 days ago
	cheers! thanks for the comment, pie. can i at least redo my vocals? :)

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