MacJams.com - Song: My Heart Still Beats (w/ Thoddi, etc.) by TobinMueller

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My Heart Still Beats (w/ Thoddi, etc.)
by TobinMueller

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Submitted on: Nov 28, 2005 - 01:25:22 PM
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Keywords A Bit Of Light (14), world (93), island (12), African (12), collaboration (106), self-made loops (2), psychological drama (2), storytelling (7), rape (2), tribal (30), impressionism (2), impressionistic (1), progressive rock (50), My Heart Still Beats (2), tobin (68), TobinMueller (35), thoddi (5), thor (1), Suzanne (6)

Description A huge thanks to Thoddi for collaborating on perfecting this tune with me. This is the 3rd version and, I think, by far the best. Thoddi's very cool bass playing made me think of a few extra things to add, so there is now flute (Sal Giorgianni) and trumpet (Carl Fischer), plus a few extra electric piano hits. Thoddi's bass is seductive, hip, lurking like a shadow in the jungle, growls of a tiger, rapists with a machetes waiting...

This is one of a handful of songs I wrote in 2004 that were self-consciously "impressionistic", letting images and sounds flow in a collage of intuitive meanings, a way of telling a story thru impressions only. Kind of my anti-musical theatre phase.

When I posted the first version of this song, Suzanne didn't want people to know it was about her. Now she wants to let people know. When she was 20 years old visiting St Martin's and living with a bunch of bohemian artists on the beach, one night she was abducted by 3 island men with guns and machetes. This was in 1976 when racial tension was high. She was actually walking back thru the jungle to her A-frame with friends when 3 men jumped them, throwing her into the back of their truck. She was raped, cut, dumped on the side of the road, left for dead. She crawled up to the only light she could see, a small house in the hillside. Thick jungle. The song is that journey, from party to hillside haven. She was certain she was going to die, and that belief was peaceful (certainty amidst the brutality, and knowing she would soon see her father who had died 4 years earlier). She recalls that she had just decided, that morning, that she had found Utopia on that island, the perfect place to begin her new life. Ironic. She stayed on to convict the 3 men, who were captured and imprisoned, but has never gone back. I offer this song as homage to her courage.

Tobin (synths, keyboards, handmade vocal fx loops; samples); Thor Oliverson (bass); Sal Giorgianni (flute); Carl Fischer (trumpet); Suzanne (woman's voice).

Other songs w/ Thoddi: Crazy Story
Original version of this song.

This track was remastered and appears on my 2007 release, A Bit Of Light, available through The Lost Records.

Lyrics MY HEART STILL BEATS

Let the sun shine out from your eyes
while the moon is on your skin.

What did you father say?
What did your father say about this?

Island party. Island party. Island party. Island party, yeah.

Barefoot, dancing 'round the world, you're...
Barefoot, dancing all night long.

What did you father say
about parties, drinks, and men like this?
What did your father say about you?

The sun is still in your eyes.
The moon is on your skin.
The sun it still in your eyes but the moon
is on your skin.

You came to lose your count of days,
your count of fears,
your count of nights.
But now you've lost your count of drinks,
your count of boys,
your count of blurring lights.

Let's get lost in the jungle, find a place to just unwind.
Let the rules unravel. You came here to travel
so let's go see what there's to find.

What did your father say?

(instrumental transition... when rape occurs)

You say you remember the stars.
You say you remember the mud that stained your hands.
You say you remember your heart,
the sound of your pulse as it kept you alive.
Kept you alive.*

Forget all the hands that held you down.
Forget all the scars that tie you to the ground.

I know my heart still beats.

*(Our father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
pray for us, sinners, now,
and at the hour of our death...
Maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
Leadeth me beside still waters.
Restoreth my soul.)

Hardware Thoddi used his old "Tokai" 4 string bassguitar straight through an M-audio ozone
midi keyboard/soundcard.
I used my Roland A-90ex to input all my keyboard events. Microphone: EV 757.

Software: GB; Sound Effects Library; Ilio AXE percussion; Live ; Peak for mastering.
TURN UP AND LISTEN IN HEADPHONES

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Macaudion said 1100 days ago

Bitter Sweet
Ironically, this is as sweet as a tropic breeze on a hot island night. This
is dancing in my head and all over the rest of me with a movement that
is well grooved. I like the mystic undertones; albeit the origin of it's
darkness. Tobin, I like the way your voice and the lyrics stroke this
painting with a since of pure and heartfelt empathy, while cradling this
with the type of care that such a story would demand.

Suzanne, thanks for being willing to allow that this story be told, and
for trusting such a high degree of vulnerably in the hands of Tobin and
Thoddi. This is a sound of events that will heal by the vibrations of the
pure nature, of the willingness to share...

Thanks you Tobin and Thoddi for masterfully producing such an
amazing and wonderful piece. Outstanding storytelling and as well,
this is a very solid production.

Cydniko

chikoppi said 1100 days ago

Deceptive Sunlight
This definitely has a violent undertone. The groovy rhythm is almost
sweet, but the wild jazz blasts from the instruments keep an edge on
it. The result is a little sinister and somehow very male. A lot of that
may also come from the frequent and primal vocalizations.

The density, variety, and stereo spread of the percussion is terrific.
Great energy from the bass, trumpet, and especially the flute. Also a
great moment when you knock the flute back with reverb and (I think)
flange the reverb tail.

I love the flange-effected rhythm in the latter third. Sort of a cross
between radiator pipes and a gurgling didgeridoo. It comes across as a
deformed parody of the lively rhythm that preceded it.

Some of the lower frequency instruments get a little muddy in the mix
from time to time. You might consider cutting the mid frequencies or
accenting the harmonics and transients. Then again, that might be the
result of my so-so Logitech speakers.

Horrifying events, made all the worse by the seeming paradise of the
surroundings. A very fitting and well-executed musical interpretation/
redemption.

	perceptualvortex said 1100 days ago
	Evocative music. Courage indeed! What a harrowing story. The music and singing are unique and very engaging, and they serve the story well.

thoddi said 1099 days ago

challenging
I have to admit I did a few takes on this until I felt I had something to pass on:) I really had to dig deep to get in pace with Tobins genius arrangements and playing. There is a rhythm complexity at some points that was a bit challenging... but it was a nice experience for me to contribute and play along to such great musicians. Thanks for letting me have a go at this Tobin.

As for the story, I wasn't aware of that it was about Suzanne until after I recorded my part. My thoughts go to her. I guess such an experience stay with you a long time... When I listen to the song with this in mind, I can sence the parts how they dramaticly tell it.

I think the part at the end is absolutely beautiful.

Thanks again Tobin for letting me in on this.

	TobinMueller said 1099 days ago
	challenging My thanks to you for breathing new life into it. Masterful. And I didn't even know you played bass (what with all the cool blues guitar, rhythm and lead, you do).

	thoddi said 1098 days ago
	challenging He he, I'll probably try to play whatever is put in my hands, kazoo, comb, and so on, but I cant guarantee what comes out of it;) I guess I feel most comfortable with a guitar in my hands... --- Imagination is more important then knowledge! - Albert Einstein.

	Tadashi Togawa said 1099 days ago
	Sung musical instruments This is interesting. Musical instruments sing independently in relation. Good idea. I like it.

Suzanne said 1099 days ago

i am happy
it's funny how a story gets buried and you pretend it doesn't affect you and then you release it and realize how much it has. this was cathartic. hearing the song, it is chilling and beautiful. they way tobin creates the sweeping ending is so lovely. but my mind gets pulled through so many things, it is hard to hear all the way through. thank you, everyone, for your kind words. like all of life's experiences, it made me who i am and i am happy.

	Einarus said 1099 days ago
	Exotic A swarm of sounds and lines that blend together in a way I couldn't imagine. Now I don't have to imagine it anymore. I loved the fading strings at the end, in particular. Excellent work, all around.

	said 1099 days ago
	Hot Groovin I love the jungle midnight snake dance feel to this I like the random instrumentation and the tribal beat nice head trip !

	said 1099 days ago
	Hot Groovin I love the jungle midnight snake dance feel to this I like the random instrumentation and the tribal beat nice head trip !

	said 1099 days ago
	Hot Groovin I love the jungle midnight snake dance feel to this I like the random instrumentation and the tribal beat nice head trip !

	TEXASFEEL said 1099 days ago
	I suspected this was about something that happened to someone we knew on macjams. This song really haunts me. I'm so sorry...Well done on the production and execution. Regards John

	TEXASFEEL said 1099 days ago
	I suspected this was about something that happened to someone we knew on macjams. This song really haunts me. I'm so sorry...Well done on the production and execution. Regards John

	thetiler said 1097 days ago
	cool jungle feel absolutely incredible description. Very well done, like the addition of the bass

MowMeDown said 1097 days ago

Jaw drop
Jaw dropping thing you've done here. Words don't say what I am wanting
to express. You two are on another plane, another spaceship even (and a
husband and wife couple yet - what your campfire music must sound
like!). Nothing of what I usually listen to, yet it was like I couldn't pull my
ears away, my minds eye. What was not said, especially, what you chose
to say, goodness me. Gonna pick this as a fav even though it is out of my
norm. Gold stars you golden stars.

	pantsmasterflex said 1097 days ago
	nice Love this song. Opening kind of throws you for a loop, immediately attracting attention, then the vocals kick in and it all syncs nicely. Great vocals, and excellent arrangement. The horns on the 'Slide away and find me...' segment sounded a bit out of place to me at first, but on repeated listening, they work. A great combination of instrumentation. Nice work!

	Komrade K said 1096 days ago
	Dense Very dense, dark, oppressive even, like you can the fear. A rush of conflicting sensations held together by Thoddi's driven bass. Makes the subject breathe again and completely avoids been a trite treatment.

	macgalver said 1095 days ago
	wow I'm speechless. I feel like I just discovered a diamond. Complete magic. Moving. Music is such a gift. The chords and combinations unlock us. It's really breathtaking. Thank you all for sharing and creating, we all benefit! Viva macjammers!

	eleveneyes said 1095 days ago
	truely beautiful on every level. the "you say you remember" part onward is amazing. i could feel the seperation of self and what's going on around. You're a true artist and your work continues to inspire.

	alley-oop said 1095 days ago
	Intense...cool Thoddi bass smokes. Entire song rips. Tobin vocals continue to impress. Sal and Carl are great additions as is Suzanne.

mikkinylund said 1093 days ago

Epic, haunting and beautiful
First of all, thank you Suzanne for letting this story being told, as
many, many woman are suffering similar traumas. Without getting
political, things seems to have gotten worse and the silence
surrounding the issue is shocking. Secondly, I thank you Tobin for
telling her story as we men needs to help brake the silence and stand
up for what is right.

This piece is a musical, marvellous journey. The topic is a difficult one,
but you are handle it with most care and you can tell that the music
and the voices is coming straight from the heart. Musically there are so
many elements, this song requires many listenings and each time I find
something new. The different scenarios does tie in with one another so
well. The bass and the flute opens up a lighful island scenario (very
well performed), the trumpet turns it into a party that successfully goes
astray to the actual event which is very dramatically performed, scary...
To the end which reminds us that no matter how diccult things are, we
need to seek piece and try to move on... The song itself also reminds
us that some scars will for ever last...

I don't know what to say, this is such a huge, meaningful piece of art.
Thank you very much.

M

kclements said 1082 days ago

Interesting
I love the rhythmic feel of this tune. The latin percussion stuff is fantastic
and the flute enterance is good. The vocals are fitting to the words and
arrangement - a little mysterious, haunting even.

I like the mix of the instruments with the vocals - a real nice blend. It gets
a bit weird at the end, on purpose, and makes it sit a little funky in my
memory - again haunting comes to mind. The heart beat at the end
increases the effect. Very unusual, but cool at the same time.

	Isak Sherwood said 1041 days ago
	Affecting Very creepy. Nightmares in silver-lining.

	j2morrow said 739 days ago
	Incredible Brilliant song. Everyone who played on this has to be proud.

	timothy devine said 381 days ago
	what a story and what a tune. The bass is just incredible. The whole tune is just unbelievably cool. The distant strings leading to the heart beat the whole damn thing is just so inspired. Great sounds as you can tell i like it a keeper

Artist Profile

TobinMueller

Artist Bio I am a professional musician, composer, playwright and director. I lead a charmed life. I'm married to fellow MJer Suzanne and MJer Twonicus is my son. See my Spotlight Interview - Tobin Mueller: Talking With Myself in the Macjams Music Blog. You can ...[more]

Artist Music

Finding No Path

Last Song On Vaudeville (early mix) w/ bbarner

Vortigern's Fortress (EKNM)

Dare To Sing (AUDIOCRACY w/ Tadashi Togawa)

In The Great Dream (Robin Hood)

One Less Child (Robin Hood)

Lay Your Burdens Down (Robin Hood)

Hail To The Sheriff (Robin Hood)

Out Of The Forest (Robin Hood)

Too Many Years (Robin Hood)

Happy Birthday World

Seven Buttons On A Nehru Jacket (w/ Mcboy)

Sitcom Psychedelica (Woodstock after-party)

Puzzle City (AUDIOCRACY)

Emerald Path

Chromatisome Swing (tribute to Oscar Peterson)

Eruption of Previous Life

Caught In The Current (v2) - feat. BBarner & Komrade K

You Can't Touch Me (LSP)

I Wanna Fly (v2)

Lightning Strikes (v2 w/ more organ)

Lightning Strikes (v1)

Bring On The Storm

Hold On (w/ Komrade K)

Door In My Heart (v2)

Be My Love

Walls (Analogapalooza - from Robin Hood)

Sweet Liberty (Analogapalooza - Statue of Liberty dedication)

Pose For You (Analogapalooza - w/ Jessica Flood)

You Make My Heart Skip A Beat

We Are The Ones

Can't Complain (w/ Komrade K)

Speak Truth To Power (w/ twon, Darren Chapmen, Audiocracy)

When The Future Comes (w/ Twon, Alimar, Audiocracy)

To McBoy: 2 Peas in a Chili Pod

A Monk Caught in the Thelonious Sphere

Before There Were Gods

Chaos of the Subconscious

The Gumshoe Wears A Rag

Crazy Story (vers. 2 w/ Thoddi)

What I Was Thinking While You Were Talking (w/ Ziti, Mungo)

I Have Dreamed In Another

I Am Yours (Last Embrace Behind The Wall) w/ Mystified

Caught In The Current (w/ BBarner and Komrade K)

My Heart Still Beats (w/ Thoddi, etc.)

Icarus II (w/ Texasfeel)

House of Cards (...When I Sing)

Dreams III (featuring Woody Mankowski)

Lady of the Lake (w/ Mystified)

Tobin's Sampler

Revolution's Son (v2, w/ dchapman, twon, Alimar, Audiocracy)

When You Left

Revolution's Son (w/ twonicus)

Under A Western Sky

I Sail On (arr: Troy)

A Promise (w/ Woody Mankowski)

Let Me Play (w/ McBoy and BBarner)

I Sail On

Turn The Key

The Waitress (version 2)

What Thou Lovest Well (w/ Packo)

The Waitress

Morning Whispers

River Runs Through Me

Escaping The Fray Zone

Just Above The Ground

Final Words

Pilgrim of the Return

Secret of Life (w/ bbarner)

At Her Window

If I Could Live Long Enough (w/ IVANJS)

Windowshade

Save the Planet

Can't Complain

Dreams II (w/ Emily Rohm)

Borate Zone: Please Eat

Was There Once A Time

Forge A New Life - Part 2

Forge A New Life - Part I

	TobinMueller said 1058 days ago
	i am happy And you make me happier than I have ever been. Thank you.

	TobinMueller said 1058 days ago
	Epic, haunting and beautiful Thanks, mikki. Your songs have similar ambitions and I am very pleased that you appreciate how all the pieces fit together, the impressionistic aspect, and especially the courage of the storyteller. Your words help make the sort of effort this kind of art requires. Thanks for your encouragement, your thoughts, and your own struggles and experimentations.

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